TO A TALL YOUTH

UNKNOWN

It was an afternoon long to be cherished. A crisp, autumn day, this Sabbath found us by our fireplace - our family, three of our closest friends, and a tall youth.

As is the way when friends have long been parted; we talked of our church work, of our hopes for our families, of life and of what it should mean. The younger ones of the group listened, with now and then a question or a brief observation. The tall youth said little, but his eyes told he was hearing, evaluating.

Meanwhile, as the afternoon hours waned into vesper time and evening, the tall boy tended the fire. Quietly, without reminder, he would slip out into the yard to the woodpile and bring in another log. All afternoon the flames burned steadily, bringing a magic togetherness to our room.

When it came time for him to say good-by, he first replenished the fire. And it was not unnoticed. "How thoughtful that boy is." our guest remarked.

I had noticed him all afternoon. I saw him study one and then another of us. And I studied him, too. Someday, I thought, he will tend his own fireplace. Will he always be aware of little helpful ways, and quietly so?

Someday, tall youth, you will choose someone to share your hearth. Should that someone be one of my daughters, I would want to talk to you and to tell you what sort of man I would want you to be. I would tell you what a mother could wish for in the one who chooses her daughter to be his bride.

Of course, all that anyone could wish for would be encompassed in the words Christian Gentleman. You would then be God's friend and man's friend, too, and that would make you tops in any situation.

But let's be specific.

First, I would hope that you would be genuinely in love. That would mean that you loved her above yourself, that you respected her as an individual and would safeguard her interest equally with your own. If still in your education years, you would not ask her to detour from the course she is taking in preparation for becoming a teacher or a nurse or whatever her choice. You would rather, encourage her and tell her what pride it would bring you to see her finish school and be something in her own right.

You think that is too much? You will support her? Life is more than support, life must have its mental satisfactions, pride in one's ability to give trained service in the family, in the church, in the community. Respect her mind, as you love her.

Once a young man told his lady, "I do not want you to work when we are married. We may not always have cake, but I will provide the bread." The bread has been good, and there has been cake too, but then it is comforting to be able to provide a few extras with the fruit of the mind.

To say it very plainly, let her finish her education and come to you a complete person, before you begin the new adventure.

And among the qualities a Christian gentleman would possess, there is honesty. Perhaps above all, honest. As the poet wrote:

"THIS ABOVE ALL: TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE AND IT MUST FOLLOW, AS THE NIGHT THE DAY, THOU CANST NOT THEN BE FALSE TO ANY MAN."

That doesn't allow for white lies, or gray lies, or black lies. A lie is a lie. When your wife looks into your eyes she should be able to feel absolute confidence in your integrity. She should know that every word you speak is truth, that every transaction you make in your profession, in your business contacts, in every facet of your life, is as solid as a New England rock.

Be pure. Keep your heart and mind refreshed with the fountain of clean waters. Keep your lips from a suggestion of impurity and even from a careless word. How often I have secretly glorified in the knowledge that not once through more than twenty-five years have I ever heard my partner tell a joke based on our marriage relationship. Nor have I ever heard him enter into any laughter when such a story is told. It has made me feel a little special. Christ used the relationship of husband and wife to express His relationship to the church. What could be a more holy and pure comparison.

Be a man of prayer. Let your bride feel as she kneels beside you that you and God are on speaking terms, that she can safely look to you as the spiritual head of the home. Be a bulwark against evil. Command your house after God's pattern.

Be thoughtful. A roof and a table do not make a woman's heart sing. They are part of the necessary skeleton of living, but the flesh and blood of life are made up of innumerable small things; a meaningful squeeze of the hand as you pass, and arm around her when she is caring for some household chore, a kiss that is not a routine morning, good-bye, or an evening greeting, but an added tonic in the midst of the day. A single rose or a whole vase of them, a well chosen card with your name signed in love. A telephone call just to say, "Hi, I love you." These small graces can make the sun break forth inside a woman's world.

Make holidays happy days, not with lavish spending but with thought out surprises. Create a few extra holidays. They will brighten her days and make little lights shine in her eyes.

Be fun. Not a hilarious clown who has to be the center of attention but a wholehearted, warmhearted person with a ready smile. I hope you will know how to create your own pleasures in simple ways, without depending on what money can buy. I hope you will always enjoy a walk along a woodland trail, a bonfire, a game of catch.

I hope you can be practical about a house, and be fairly well acquainted with the functions of a hammer and saw.

I hope you are budget wise and thrifty, but not penurious.

I hope you can appreciate fine things in store windows, without feeling the desire to possess all of them.

I hope you will plant flowers, as well as vegetables. I hope you can thrill at the coloring of an autumn leaf, at the whiteness of a snow-driven field, or at the promise of the first blossom of spring.

I hope you will love good music, good books, and good conversation.

Be strong, be gentle. Be understanding. Be tolerant. Be companionable. "A mother really can't count all the "Be's" she wants you to be" Be to your bride what she believes you to be - priest of her heart and home.

"Doctor, lawyer, merchant, chief." We used to count the buttons when I was young, and girls still do. Whatever you elect to be for your life work, it does not matter, only that you are the best of whatever you are, serving humbly, effectively, to your fullest capacity, to make a weary world better because you are here, you, a partner with God first and then with the girl of your choice.

This is a tall order, you say. But you are a tall youth, and the heart and soul of you must be tall, too, if you are to reach what God intended you to be as a lover and husband.